Nightmares

I had a dream that Bryson's dad sent his wife down here to meet Bryson and befriend me.
We went out for a drink and she ended up getting so drunk, that she pooped in the sewer and vomited everywhere.
(ridiculous, I know)
While she was incapacitated, I found a document in her purse that she had intended for me to sign...
the document was my approval for Chris to relinquish his rights as father to B.
Luckily, I woke up before "reacting" to my findings while snooping.
...I take that back
Luckily, this isn't true
At least I'd hope so

I have mixed feelings regarding Chris.
It still bothers me that my son wasn't good enough to be claimed by his dad
However, I do thank God that Chris has matured enough to be a great dad to his two daughters

At the time of Bryson's initial conception, Chris had doubts of his abilities as a soon-to-be father
He worried that he wasn't ready
that he would be a bad influence
That it would be a mistake to be in Bryson's life
So he bailed at 3 months in-vitro

Sure, it has been difficult to raise a child on my own, but it hasn't been impossible.
I've made it work and have raised a tiny best friend.
I've raised Bryson to only know his father as a hero who was a soldier.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
I've encouraged family to cease bashing Chris around Bryson

My hope is that in the future,
Bryson will meet his dad and there won't be any grudges
Feelings will be neutral
and they can build a relationship as father and son

I know I sound crazy.
I get that a lot
but why bother brainwashing my child with hate?
I mean shouldn't he build his own opinions of his father based on his own interactions with him?

OR

by chance, I'll meet a man who will love my son just as much as he loves me and that dream man will adopt Bryson as his own upon choosing to marry me.

Speaking of men
let me update you on my love life

I don't have time to date right now.
Seriously.
I have church pretty much all day Sunday
Work 8-4 Monday, run 3 miles, then have church from 6pm-9pm
Tuesdays: I work 8-4, then run 3-4 miles with my running group
Wednesdays: I work 8-4, then have soccer with Bryson from 5-6
Thursdays: Work 8-4, then run 5-6 miles with friends
Fridays: work 8-4, then go biking with B
Saturdays: Spend the day at Dollywood

Unless someone randomly joins my running groups that also actively attends Faith Promise, is between the age of 26-35, is at least 6', and has his own car/house/job.... it just isn't going to happen.

I tried scheduling a run with a coworker
He sent me a handful of emojis that depict a dog with its heart beating out of its chest all lovey dovie
...no thanks

I got asked out by a disabled man during Monday night's service who still lives with his mom, is in his early 40s, and has never had a job....
no

...and that's about it.

I'm not active on dating sites and am not actively searching for a man.
I don't want to step into God's job
If God wants me to have a man
He'll place him in my life and everything will fall into place

I have no idea where or how I planned to finish this post, but meh....

Have a good day, everyone.